Blogging About Communication

Social laughter is a valuable interpersonal tool, and among the messages we eagerly give and receive when interacting with significant others, friends and colleagues.  When used inappropriately, however, when individuals laugh at rather than with others, it has a downside. Have you ever been the subject of another’s mean-spirited laughter?

Laughter Does Not Always Produce Joy

The opposite of joyful laughter is laughter we use to try and punish, belittle, or exclude others. Instead of using laughter to express their sociability, users of mean-spirited laughter use it to signal their disdain for or power over others.

Laughing at Others Establishes the In-and the Out Group

Laughter focused on expressing dominance and superiority inflicts social pain on its targets. Functioning as a tool for bullying, humiliation, and social rejection, it signals a “we versus them” mindset. Its victims lose status while the bond between those doing the laughing strengthens as does their sense of belonging to the in-group.

Mean-Spirited Laughter is a Form of Ridicule and Shaming

Laughter employed to mock or shame individuals, confirms the user’s power and hostile intent while making light of the recipient’s sincere actions and words. Its target is left feeling embarrassment or bullied.

Pretending It’s a Joke, is No Joke

Disparagement humor masks hostility as humor. While expressing mean intentions, the users defense is “it’s only a joke.”

ACTION PLAN

Should you be the target of another person’s mean-spirited laughter, do your best to maintain your composure, withholding from the aggressor the emotional response they seek. Sometimes the best response is no response. Alternatively, you might react by giving the aggressor a confused look, and saying something like, “That was a weird thing to say,” or “Why do think it was appropriate to do that?” You also could say, “I don’t find that funny,” and walk away. Keep in mind that mean-spirited laughter is a reflection of the user, not its subject. If on the receiving end, don’t let it get you down.