Blogging About Communication

Communication in Your Life

recent posts

  • THE EMPATHY FACTOR

    HOW IMPORTANT IS EMPATHY? WHAT IF IT’S MISSING?

    Do you consider yourself an empathetic person? Do you possess the ability to understand and share another’s feelings? Are you able to feel the same emotions as they do? What happens when you lack empathy? When empathy is absent, we find it difficult to understand and share what another person is experiencing. As a result, we likely don’t respond appropriately. Let’s consider some of the ways empathy deficiency negatively affects relationships.

    YOU CAN’T SENSE THE EMOTION

    Having insufficient empathy makes it unlikely you will be able to identify and understand the emotions of those around you. At the same time, it increases the likelihood that you won’t be able to accurately interpret the emotional impact you have on others.

    YOU FOCUS ON YOU

    Empathy insufficiency leads to self-centeredness. You focus on your feelings and needs, while ignoring or paying scant attention to the feelings and needs of others.

    CONFLICTS INCREASE

    An inability to maintain meaningful connections leads to increases in misunderstanding which, in turn, precipitates relational conflict.

    YOU PROJECT A LACK OF CARE

    If you are unable to understand another’s position and standpoint, you can’t imaginatively grasp their feelings and situation.

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    Take these steps to increase your ability to empathize: Make a conscious effort to listen before you speak so you are able to acknowledge the perspectives and feelings of others. Paraphrase statements made, and without judging, ask clarifying questions to help uncover the other person’s emotional state. Show you care about and are working to understand their experiences. Validate their feelings even when you don’t share them. Being curious about others’ experiences and reflecting on how you might feel were you in their position can cultivate greater understanding, increase commitments to fairness, and grow stronger interpersonal connections. 

  • How Do You Handle Anger?

    ANGER AND CONFLICT

    How often do you find yourself angry during conflict? What do you do to diffuse those angry feelings so you can effectively manage the situation? While aroused emotions may help prepare you to meet a challenge, if uncontrolled, they can contribute to your failing to resolve the disagreement.

    CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN

    It’s natural to feel angry when you believe you’re under attack. When preparing to meet the perceived threat, your heart may race, your jaw may tense, and you may even find yourself sweating.  Blaming another person for your reaction rarely helps. Focus instead on controlling your response to the conflict. Interrupt those angry feelings by inhaling deeply and then slowly exhaling. Do it a few times. This resets your body from attack mode to reflection mode.

    LISTEN EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY DISAGREE

    Listening doesn’t require agreement. What it does require is your attention and the ability to interrupt stressful feelings that impede understanding. Before you can succeed in having another person accept your point of view, you need to calm yourself down and listen to them so you are able to understand their perspective. Instead of planning your response and interrupting, attend to what the other person is saying and feeling.

    IDENTIFY THE REASONS FOR DISAGREEMENT

    Conflict may develop because of unmet needs, perceived power imbalances, contrasting values and beliefs, or misunderstandings. Ask open-ended questions like “What do you hope to achieve?” and “How do you feel about the situation?” “Why are you unhappy?” to uncover the concerns another person has. Paraphrase and summarize to confirm your understanding, and show your empathy and respect.

    MANAGE, DON’T DAMAGE

    When you foster a culture of learning, you engender greater trust. By not blaming, judging, or jumping to conclusions, you increase the likelihood of uncovering the underlying issues and collaborating to resolve the differences between you.

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    The next time you find yourself angry because of a conflict, draw a fishbone-like diagram to help you visually organize and address the root causes of the conflict. Place every reason for the conflict that surfaces directly onto the spine of the fish. This will able you to see the big picture, identify specific factors contributing to dissatisfaction, and prioritize actions you can take to address each of them.

  • What Kind of Communicator are You?

    THE COMMUNICATION MIX

    Our focus this week is on processing your communication experiences in the physical world and online.

    FIVE BIG QUESTIONS

    Begin by asking yourself how you’re really doing when you move between the real world and the world of social networking. Take a few moments to think about how you change—how your identity changes—as you navigate back and forth. To help you, write down your answers to these questions:

    1, Which connections feel stronger—those you work on in the physical world or those you build online? Which domain do you devote more of your time to? (Actually, clock yourself)

                2. Which connections feel more authentic?

                3. Which connections contribute to your experiencing more FOMO?

    4. In which realm do you think those you connect with view you more accurately? More positively?

    5. Ask at least two individuals you interacted with in person this week to provide you with three adjectives they would use to describe their face-to-face interactions with you. Then ask two individuals you only engaged with online to do the same.

    DEBRIEF

    What do answers suggest about the nature of your connections in the physical world and the digital world?  What do they suggest about your satisfaction and the satisfaction of your communication partner in each realm?  Then ask yourself if you are you making the right communication choices. In other words, do you choose to text or engage someone on social media when it would be better to be in the same physical space? Do you meet in person when it might be wiser to maintain some distance? Communication is a delicate balance. Is yours in synch with your needs? Do you spend more time on social media than you should? Are you giving your face-to-face abilities sufficient exercise? Having the communication scale imbalanced in favor of social media can lead to experiencing more anxiety than is healthy. It also can impede development of social skills.

    YOUR GAME PLAN

    This week’s game plan is to focus on achieving better balance in your communication exchanges with others.  Pay attention to making more time to connect with people in person. Doing so will deepen the nature of your relationship. Being face-to-face facilitates more accurate interpretation of thoughts and feelings. It also allows for the creation of stronger bonds.

  • AI, Communication, and You

    CAN A BOT REPLACE YOUR FRIEND OR LOVE INTEREST?

    AI is changing the scope and nature of our interpersonal relationships and what we consider human communication to be.

    HUMAN-AI RELATIONSHIPS

    Can you imagine having a friendly or romantic relationship with an AI bot? Some researchers contend that developing a relationship with a bot can provide those who are lonely much needed companionship. Indeed, in nursing homes robots are being used to address the needs of the older residents including engaging them in social interaction providing them comfort, and addressing their emotional health. The thinking is that relating to the robot will reduce their anxiety, loneliness, and improve their mood. Not just the aged are thought to benefit from experiencing a human-AI relationship. Individuals who are neither in nursing homes nor infirm, have also been known to seek out a human-bot connection as a means of reducing their loneliness and feelings of social isolation.

    REALITY AND ILLUSION

    The question is, however, is what ensues between a human and a bot, a relationship or the illusion of a relationship? Will engaging a bot in conversation erode the ability or desire to engage in human-to-human interaction? In general, bots have been found to be more reinforcing (even of negative thought patterns), and more self-enhancing (telling you what you want to hear), making the interactions you share with them more agreeable. Individuals have even fallen for their AI companion like Replica, spending significant time on virtual dates with them, in lieu of devoting time to their realworld relationships.

    Thus, it’s not all good. Bots have been programmed to mimic human empathy and promote feelings of attachment, which can end up limiting genuine human contact, and in the end, exacerbate feelings of loneliness. And what about personal contact—human touch—Is it replaceable? Years back studies revealed that infants deprived of human touch failed to thrive. Human touch is important for both physical and emotional wellbeing. It promotes bonding and decreases feelings of stress. While bots can simulate elements of human interaction, they cannot yet replicate human touch.

    WHAT IS HUMAN TOUCH?

    What bots can do is provide personalized, emotionally responsive reactions. This leaves us to ask this question: If a bot can’t yet simulate physical touch, might we need a new definition of touch in the 21st century? Might human touch now be just a voice?

    YOUR GAME PLAN

    Explain if you think having a virtual companion would benefit you and other humans? Develop a list of services a bot could provide to supplement person-to-person contact, such as being used to eliminate boredom, and provide an empathetic ear. How might you employ a bot to encourage human interaction?