Blogging About Communication

Communication in Your Life

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  • IS DISINFORMATION A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY?

    If information is power, how does it differ from misinformation and disinformation?

    INFORMATION

    Information is an assemblage of data about someone or something. Information has the power to inform and persuade. We obtain it from investigation, study, and learning. We share it by communicating. The sharing of information that is valid and accurate enhances knowledge, facilitating better decision-making.  It also helps to protect us against misinformation and disinformation.

    MISINFORMATION

    Misinformation is the unintentional dissemination of inaccurate or misleading information. Committed accidently, its intention is not to harm. The mislabeling of a caption, an erroneous date, a bungled translation, are examples of misinformation; they often are easily corrected.

    DISINFORMATION

    In contrast to misinformation, disinformation is the conveying of false information fabricated deliberately, with the intention of misleading and deceiving others. When communicated purposefully, the misstating and misrepresenting of facts has a chilling effect on democracy. It also often results in the making of bad decisions and the implementation of poorly conceived actions

    .

    The Big Lie

    How does disinformation work? The conveying of disinformation starts with the presentation of a lie—a big lie, not a small falsehood. The false message, frequently stated as an either-or fallacy, is repeated often, contributing to wide divisions among people—those who accept the disinformation as being true, and those who do not. In part, disinformation owes its effectiveness to media manipulation and the purveying of AI fakes. The communication of an intentionally created conspiracy theory, the spreading of a rumor known to be false, the manipulation of verbal and visual content, are examples of disinformation.

    The Damage Done

    We witnessed disinformation at work when initial protests against immigration raids conducted by ICE occurred in Los Angeles and spread out across the country. A barrage of misleading text, videos, and photographs were used to spread false information, stoking anger and outrage in those who accepted them as true representations of fact. Quotes were fabricated suggesting the demonstrations and demonstrators were part of a secret plot. Scenes from action films and past disturbances were purposely presented as depicting what actually was happening in the moment. This contributed to false impressions of the situation being delivered directly into the minds of viewers, and bolstered beliefs that the situation was out of control. The array of imbedded false beliefs functioned much like a self-fulfilling prophecy—where what you believe to be true, comes true. As the saying goes: Create the thinking and let it build, and the mind becomes that which it contemplates.

    YOUR GAME PLAN

    Although efforts to verify the facts have a hard time keeping up with disinformation’s spread, this week’s game plan calls on you to take time to distinguish information from disinformation. Do your part not to allow disinformation to discredit the legitimacy of truthful information. Look at the source of the content. Review the whole story—not just the part presented. Determine if the content or the source is an imposter—not the real thing. Ask yourself what the source wants you to do with the content? What motives does the source have for tapping into your deepest fears, values, and beliefs? Do your own content and image fact-checking by searching fact-checking and image verification sites. Confirming the truth is well worth your time.

  • HOW IMPORTANT IS EMPATHY? WHAT IF IT’S MISSING?

    Do you consider yourself an empathetic person? Do you possess the ability to understand and share another’s feelings? Are you able to feel the same emotions as they do? What happens when you lack empathy? When empathy is absent, we find it difficult to understand and share what another person is experiencing. As a result, we likely don’t respond appropriately. Let’s consider some of the ways empathy deficiency affects relationships.

    YOU CAN’T SENSE THE EMOTION

    Having insufficient empathy makes it unlikely you will be able to identify and understand the emotions of those around you. At the same time, it increases the likelihood that you won’t be able to accurately interpret the emotional impact you have on others.

    YOU FOCUS ON YOU

    Empathy insufficiency leads to self-centeredness. You focus on your feelings and needs, while ignoring or paying scant attention to the feelings and needs of others.

    CONFLICTS INCREASE

    An inability to maintain meaningful connections leads to increases in misunderstanding which, in turn, precipitates relational conflict.

    YOU PROJECT A LACK OF CARE

    If you are unable to understand another’s position and standpoint, you can’t imaginatively grasp their feelings and situation.

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    Take these steps to increase your ability to empathize: Make a conscious effort to listen before you speak so you are able to acknowledge the perspectives and feelings of others. Paraphrase statements made, and without judging, ask clarifying questions to help uncover the other person’s emotional state. Show you care about and are working to understand their experiences. Validate their feelings even when you don’t share them. Being curious about others’ experiences and reflecting on how you might feel were you in their position can cultivate greater understanding, increase commitments to fairness, and grow stronger interpersonal connections. 

  • THE CONVERSATIONALIST

    A recent New Yorker cartoon presented two partners preparing to go out. One partner requested the other partner not to speak to them at home because they wanted to be sure they had plenty to talk about when they got to dinner. The partner was insecure about their conversational abilities. What kind of conversationalist are you? Are you confident when it comes to engaging others in conversation? What can you to do to improve your conversational skills?

    Conversation Provides the Social Glue For Our Relationships

    Conversation lays the foundation for our relationships. They reinforce and nurture rapport with others. One of the most important skills for us to master is how to carry on a good conversation. This requires that we commit to being fully present and sharing real life experiences.

    Questions Drive Conversation

    Good conversation begins with one person asking an open-ended question and then listening actively to the other person’s answer. By asking how, what, why questions, you encourage more than a yes-no response. Then to show your genuine interest in what the other person says, reflect on their response, rephrasing it, and asking a follow-up question.

    Share Relatable Stories

    Although a good conversationalist avoids talking excessively about themselves, they do know how to tell a story another person can relate to. They find common ground, connecting with the other person, and keeping the conversation flowing.

    Demonstrate Empathy

    Good conversationalists validate the feelings of the person they are speaking with. They speak from a place of sincerity, which enables them to create a deeper and more meaningful connection. Using verbal and nonverbal cues, they let another person know that they are listening and understand them.

    Conversation is Reciprocal

    Conversations are not monologues. They are duologues helping to create a shared world. This requires turn-taking. Remember, meaningful social exchanges help talk our relationships into being.

    ACTION PLAN

    When you improve your conversation, you improve your relationships and life. Follow the following guidelines to make your next conversation more effective:

    (1) Speak honestly; never offer a comment you believe to be false.

    (2) Don’t talk too much or too little; provide responses that continue the conversation.

    (3) Don’t switch topics until the other person is ready; being other-oriented helps the other person feel understood.

  • DO YOU SPEAK EMOJI?

    Emoji is a word derived from the Japanese for picture and written character.  These characters add gestures to the conversations we have online, particularly when we text. But here’s the dilemma: What purpose does adding an emoji serve? Does the emoji make a message clearer, or does it help mask the message’s real meaning?  

    CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE EMOJI’S PURPOSE?

    How certain are you that you understand the emoji user’s intention? Is the sender using the emoji as punctuation or something else? Does your interpretation of the emoji’s meaning change depending on where in the message the sender places the emoji? Does the emoji’s presence add ambiguity or enhance transparency? Does it make the message more or less personal? More or less engaging?  These are questions you need to ask yourself and answer.

    CAN YOU IDENTIFY HOW THE EMOJI AFFECTS YOU?

    It’s up to you to determine how the emoji functions: Does it accentuate? Does it add humor? Does it modify the communicator’s tone? Does it suggest the sender’s enthusiasm, sarcasm, rage, joyfulness, playfulness, or good will? What does the emoji reveal to you about its user’s personality?

    ARE YOU AWARE OF THE UH-OHS?

    Are there drawbacks to including emojis? What happens should you misinterpret the sender’s intention? What steps can you to take to avoid misreading the emotional cue?

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    When using or interpreting an emoji watch out for double-meanings. Do a google search if you’re in doubt of what the emoji signifies. The meaning of an emoji often changes depending on the context—so when uncertain, recheck! Ask yourself if the emoji use facilitates the conveying of meaning, or risks misunderstanding. While an emoji has been compared to a dialogue tag such as “she laughed,” or “she cried,” when misinterpreted the emoji can confuse and complicate communication—especially when people of different generations and cultures are communicating. For example, the thumbs up emoji can be interpreted as good or passive aggressive. What does its presence typically signify to you?

  • WHAT KIND OF SELF-TALK PARTNER ARE YOU?

    When conversing with another person, we often think about what to say and how to say it. Do we do the same when we speak with ourselves? How much do you enjoy and profit from self-talk conversations? What kind of self-talk speaker and listener are you?

    WHAT SELF-TALK IS

    Self-talk is that inner voice that provides you with a running commentary on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It is your speaking-self having a conversation with your listening-self. It is intrapersonal dialogue, helping you to process your feelings and interactions. Like all feedback, self-talk can be positive or critical, encouraging or demotivating, and because it narrates your experiences and reactions, it significantly affects your next thoughts and moves.

    MANAGING SELF-TALK

    Self-talk helps us process, monitor, and assess our relationships and the events occurring around us. Positive self-talk is known to improve mood, increase confidence, and improve performance. It also helps in combatting those negative thoughts and feelings that impede resiliency and the development of an optimistic outlook. Replacing negative self-talk with words that are encouraging and don’t dwell on failure, increases the likelihood of overcoming challenges. Telling yourself, “I got this,” “I can do this,” “I can fix this,” or “I’m learning” enables you to focus on stepping up and performing better.

    TALK TO YOURSELF OUTLOUD, TOO

    When your inner voice speaks to you, does it chatter away silently and in private or out-loud? Might there be a benefit to actually speaking your words aloud when you talk to yourself? What we say to ourselves out loud helps control the harshness of self-doubt that often accompanies self-criticism. Speaking out loud to yourself helps to tame your worst instincts, facilitating your reframing negative thoughts into a determination to put in greater effort to achieve a positive outcome. Speaking aloud to yourself improves focus and performance, helps you better organize your thoughts, consider different perspectives, and also calms your nerves.

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    Never say to yourself what you wouldn’t say to someone else. Instead, be your own best friend. When you find yourself caught in a negative thought pattern, substitute a more realistic alternative, perhaps a positive affirmation such as, “I faced a setback, but I’m going to learn from this.”

  • DO YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT THINKING SPACE?

    Does the urgency of what you need to accomplish get in your way? Before you work a plan, do you give yourself the time you need to plan the work?  Giving yourself thinking space can improve relationships, help you acknowledge your interdependence with others, and free you to raise big-picture questions that bring unexplored options to light.

    SPACIOUS THINKERS CONSIDER OPTIONS

    To think strategically, you need to weigh your options. Considering a situation’s challenges as well as its possibilities helps in identifying opportunities for collaboration and relationship building.

    SPACIOUS THINKERS DON’T OBSESS OVER SPEED

    Getting something done, is less important than getting the right thing done right. If getting a task done is the primary focus, then it becomes tempting to sacrifice creative inquiry. However, if you don’t raise the complex questions that are necessary for discovering what is actually possible, then you end up putting into action that which is merely feasible.

    SPACIOUS THINKERS FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE

    In order to develop into a creative learner, in lieu of just focusing on “to-do” lists, take the time you need to have an inquiring conversation, one which can awaken novelty and help in opening minds and in identifying fresh ideas. An inquiring conversation, in addition to strengthening thinking, also leads to improved relationships, which in turn leads to better work coordination and cooperation.

    YOUR GAME PLAN

    Make it your priority to not just do your work, but to do the right work in the right way. Look at the big picture. Step back from that to-do list and challenge yourself and others to consider alternative options for getting things done right.

  • CAN A BOT REPLACE YOUR FRIEND OR LOVE INTEREST?

    AI is changing the scope and nature of our interpersonal relationships. It is also altering what we consider human communication to be.

    HUMAN-AI RELATIONSHIPS

    Can you imagine having a friendly or romantic relationship with an AI bot? Some researchers contend that developing a relationship with a bot can provide lonely individuals much needed companionship. Indeed, some nursing homes are using robots to address the needs of the older residents. The robots engage them in social interaction, provide them comfort, and help manage their emotional health. The thinking is that relating to the robot will reduce residents’ anxiety and loneliness, and improve their mood. Not just the aged are thought to benefit from experiencing a human-AI relationship. Individuals who are neither in nursing homes nor infirm, have also been known to seek out a human-bot connection as a means of reducing their loneliness and feelings of social isolation.

    REALITY AND ILLUSION

    This is the concern: Is what ensues between a human and a bot, a relationship or the illusion of a relationship? Will engaging a bot in conversation erode the ability or desire to engage in human-to-human interaction? In general, bots have been found to be more reinforcing (even of negative thought patterns), and more self-enhancing (telling you what you want to hear), making the interactions you share with them more agreeable. Individuals have even fallen for their AI companion like Replica, spending significant time on virtual dates with them, in lieu of devoting time to their real-world relationships.

    IT’S NOT ALL GOOD

    Not all news is positive. Bots have been programmed to mimic human empathy and promote feelings of attachment, which can end up limiting genuine human contact, and in the end, worsen feelings of loneliness. And what about personal contact—human touch—Is it replaceable? Years back studies revealed that infants deprived of human touch failed to thrive. Human touch is important for both physical and emotional wellbeing. It promotes bonding and decreases feelings of stress. While bots can simulate elements of human interaction, they cannot yet replicate human touch.

    WHAT IS HUMAN TOUCH?

    What bots can do is provide personalized, emotionally responsive reactions. This leaves us to ask this question: If a bot can’t yet simulate physical touch, might we need a new definition of touch in the 21st century? Might human touch now be just a voice?

    YOUR GAME PLAN

    Explain if you think having a virtual companion would benefit you and other humans? Develop a list of services a bot could provide to supplement person-to-person contact, such as being used to eliminate boredom, and provide an empathetic ear. How might you employ a bot to encourage human interaction?

  • THE EMPATHY FACTOR

    HOW IMPORTANT IS EMPATHY? WHAT IF IT’S MISSING?

    Do you consider yourself an empathetic person? Do you possess the ability to understand and share another’s feelings? Are you able to feel the same emotions as they do? What happens when you lack empathy? When empathy is absent, we find it difficult to understand and share what another person is experiencing. As a result, we likely don’t respond appropriately. Let’s consider some of the ways empathy deficiency negatively affects relationships.

    YOU CAN’T SENSE THE EMOTION

    Having insufficient empathy makes it unlikely you will be able to identify and understand the emotions of those around you. At the same time, it increases the likelihood that you won’t be able to accurately interpret the emotional impact you have on others.

    YOU FOCUS ON YOU

    Empathy insufficiency leads to self-centeredness. You focus on your feelings and needs, while ignoring or paying scant attention to the feelings and needs of others.

    CONFLICTS INCREASE

    An inability to maintain meaningful connections leads to increases in misunderstanding which, in turn, precipitates relational conflict.

    YOU PROJECT A LACK OF CARE

    If you are unable to understand another’s position and standpoint, you can’t imaginatively grasp their feelings and situation.

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    Take these steps to increase your ability to empathize: Make a conscious effort to listen before you speak so you are able to acknowledge the perspectives and feelings of others. Paraphrase statements made, and without judging, ask clarifying questions to help uncover the other person’s emotional state. Show you care about and are working to understand their experiences. Validate their feelings even when you don’t share them. Being curious about others’ experiences and reflecting on how you might feel were you in their position can cultivate greater understanding, increase commitments to fairness, and grow stronger interpersonal connections. 

  • How Do You Handle Anger?

    ANGER AND CONFLICT

    How often do you find yourself angry during conflict? What do you do to diffuse those angry feelings so you can effectively manage the situation? While aroused emotions may help prepare you to meet a challenge, if uncontrolled, they can contribute to your failing to resolve the disagreement.

    CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN

    It’s natural to feel angry when you believe you’re under attack. When preparing to meet the perceived threat, your heart may race, your jaw may tense, and you may even find yourself sweating.  Blaming another person for your reaction rarely helps. Focus instead on controlling your response to the conflict. Interrupt those angry feelings by inhaling deeply and then slowly exhaling. Do it a few times. This resets your body from attack mode to reflection mode.

    LISTEN EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY DISAGREE

    Listening doesn’t require agreement. What it does require is your attention and the ability to interrupt stressful feelings that impede understanding. Before you can succeed in having another person accept your point of view, you need to calm yourself down and listen to them so you are able to understand their perspective. Instead of planning your response and interrupting, attend to what the other person is saying and feeling.

    IDENTIFY THE REASONS FOR DISAGREEMENT

    Conflict may develop because of unmet needs, perceived power imbalances, contrasting values and beliefs, or misunderstandings. Ask open-ended questions like “What do you hope to achieve?” and “How do you feel about the situation?” “Why are you unhappy?” to uncover the concerns another person has. Paraphrase and summarize to confirm your understanding, and show your empathy and respect.

    MANAGE, DON’T DAMAGE

    When you foster a culture of learning, you engender greater trust. By not blaming, judging, or jumping to conclusions, you increase the likelihood of uncovering the underlying issues and collaborating to resolve the differences between you.

    YOUR ACTION PLAN

    The next time you find yourself angry because of a conflict, draw a fishbone-like diagram to help you visually organize and address the root causes of the conflict. Place every reason for the conflict that surfaces directly onto the spine of the fish. This will able you to see the big picture, identify specific factors contributing to dissatisfaction, and prioritize actions you can take to address each of them.

  • What Kind of Communicator are You?

    THE COMMUNICATION MIX

    Our focus this week is on processing your communication experiences in the physical world and online.

    FIVE BIG QUESTIONS

    Begin by asking yourself how you’re really doing when you move between the real world and the world of social networking. Take a few moments to think about how you change—how your identity changes—as you navigate back and forth. To help you, write down your answers to these questions:

    1, Which connections feel stronger—those you work on in the physical world or those you build online? Which domain do you devote more of your time to? (Actually, clock yourself)

                2. Which connections feel more authentic?

                3. Which connections contribute to your experiencing more FOMO?

    4. In which realm do you think those you connect with view you more accurately? More positively?

    5. Ask at least two individuals you interacted with in person this week to provide you with three adjectives they would use to describe their face-to-face interactions with you. Then ask two individuals you only engaged with online to do the same.

    DEBRIEF

    What do answers suggest about the nature of your connections in the physical world and the digital world?  What do they suggest about your satisfaction and the satisfaction of your communication partner in each realm?  Then ask yourself if you are you making the right communication choices. In other words, do you choose to text or engage someone on social media when it would be better to be in the same physical space? Do you meet in person when it might be wiser to maintain some distance? Communication is a delicate balance. Is yours in synch with your needs? Do you spend more time on social media than you should? Are you giving your face-to-face abilities sufficient exercise? Having the communication scale imbalanced in favor of social media can lead to experiencing more anxiety than is healthy. It also can impede development of social skills.

    YOUR GAME PLAN

    This week’s game plan is to focus on achieving better balance in your communication exchanges with others.  Pay attention to making more time to connect with people in person. Doing so will deepen the nature of your relationship. Being face-to-face facilitates more accurate interpretation of thoughts and feelings. It also allows for the creation of stronger bonds.