Blogging About Communication

Communication in Your Life

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  • EVER TREAT CONFLICT LIKE IT’S A HOT POTATO?

    Remember the game of “hot potato?” Well, we often treat conflict like it’s a hot potato. We panic when we think there’s no one left for us to pass the conflict to. We worry that we’ll be the one left holding it.

    Why We Rush to Pass Conflict Along

    Experiencing conflict makes many of us feel uncomfortable. As a result, when it occurs—we try to get rid of it—like we do a hot potato. How do we do this? We avoid handling it. We blame someone else. We become defensive. We might even send “K” as a message. Instead of focusing on and cooling down the hot potato, we toss it on. Here’s the tricky part. When left unresolved, conflict grows.

    The Best Communicators Don’t Throw the Potato

    Strong communicators pause before responding to a conflict. Instead of tossing the conflict away, they listen. They take time to ask questions. They clarify confusion. They calm down, and then they continue. Strong communicators are capable of handling a hot potato without panicking. When it’s well handled, conflict improves our relationships. Friends become stronger. Families become more compassionate. Teams become smarter.

    Cool Down the Potato

    A calm person controls the conflict. They might say something like: “Can we talk about what just happened?” “Help me understand your perspective.” “I think we may have misunderstood each other.”

    Action Plan

    The next time you feel the urge to “pass the hot potato of conflict” off of your plate and on to someone else’s, try this: Pause for 5 seconds. Take a cleansing breath. Ask yourself “Will my reaction cool things down or heat them up?” Then respond calmly, rather than become emotional. You just might discover that the best way to win the game of hot potato is to stop throwing it.

  • HOW IS COMMUNICATION LIKE A GAME OF DODGEBALL?

    Interpersonal communication can be a lot like dodgeball? We need to stay engaged, read the room, know when to throw and when to duck, and be careful not to hit our own teammate.

    Think about it. Every conversation has its own movement, strategy, timing, and emotion. Some of us charge into discussions. Others hang back. The best among us play smart, stay responsive, and keep everyone in the game.

    KNOW ANY FAST TALKING, RAPID FIRE-THROWERS?

    You know the type. Entering the conversation, they throw ten opinions at you before anyone else even touches the ball. These are the dominators, the interrupters, those who assume louder is better. Eventually, others will turn their backs and not play with them. They need to learn to include others, not stream roll them.

    KNOW ANY DODGERS WHO TRY AND AVOID PLAYING?

    This type just dodges everything. Conflict? Duck. Feedback? Dodge. Difficult conversation? Sprint to the other side of the room. Misunderstandings pile up. Tensions rise. Relationships weaken. Instead we need to approach conversations with honesty, tact, and emotional control.

    FRIENDLY FIRE IS REAL

    Ever accidentally hurt a colleague with sarcasm, a careless text, or a really bad joke told at their expense? Welcome to interpersonal dodgeball’s version of friendly fire. Instead of misfiring, we need to read emotional cues, and respond with emotional intelligence. Make others feel emotionally safe, not threatened.

    THE LESSON

    Focus less on scoring relationship points, and more on relationship building. In real life, when you leave a conversation upset, no one wins.

    ACTION PLAN

    For one full day, challenge yourself to Catch before you throw. Don’t throw the ball right back. Pause and summarize what another person has said before offering your own thoughts. Don’t dodge. Be respectful and direct when you respond to the other person’s contribution. Avoid friendly fire. Ask yourself if what you’re about to say could accidently hurt the other person. Don’t aim to win. Aim to stay connected.

  • THE TRUTH ABOUT LIES

    When we say, “Honesty is the best policy,” are we lying? Lies are part of everyday life. Some of us use them to help smooth social interactions. Others use them to avoid having to face the truth. If uncovered, a lie erodes trust much like a slow leak in a tire erodes safety. What kind of lies do you tell? Do any of these types of lies ring true?

    THE “WHITE LIE”

    Example: “Your hair looks great!” (when it really doesn’t)

    White lies are told to protect another person’s feelings. Usually harmless, and sometimes helpful in small doses, the problem occurs when white lies are overused and people wonder if you’re ever being real with them.

    The “POLITE DODGE”

    Example: “Let me check my schedule.” (In other words, no).

    When asked for a favor, why not tell someone you can’t, rather than trying to dodge having to tell the truth. Eventually, others will catch on, read between the lines, and lose trust in you.

    THE “LIE OF OMISSION”

    Example: You tell a colleague the project is progressing, when you actually missed the deadline.

    This lie doesn’t reveal everything. Technically, it’s true. Realistically, it’s questionable. When discovered, it feels more deceptive than an outright lie, because the truth was purposely withheld.

    THE EXAGGERATION

    Example: “My presentation went great!” (Three people nodded off, most sat blank-faced, 3 smiled)

    Filtering the truth through rose-covered glasses takes a toll on your credibility.

    THE BLATANT LIE

    Example: “I did not do it!” (Yes, you did).

    This is nothing but clear, overt deception. A blatant lie doesn’t merely put a crack in your relationship. It shatters the relationship. Rebuilding a relationship after getting caught telling a blatant lie won’t be easy.

    SELF-DECEPTION

    Example: “I work best under pressure.”

    You want the lie you tell yourself to be true, so to you, it is true. When you’re not honest with yourself, the person you’re hurting is you!

    Truth be told. . . when your words and behavior match reality, others place trust in you. They don’t wonder “Is this true?” They don’t feel the need to double check you. They don’t ask, “What else might not be accurate?”

    ACTION PLAN

    For the next 24 hours, keep track of the “lies” you tell, especially those “insignificant,” almost automatic, and blatant ones. Every time you stretch, omit, attempt to soften the truth, or outright lie, do the following: Catch It. Classify It. Correct or gently revise It. And Reflect. Ask yourself why you were about to lie. What did you fear would happen if you told the truth instead? The more honest we are, the easier it is for others to trust us, and for us to trust them back. Now isn’t that the truth!

  • PRAISE:  RELATIONSHIP FLUFF OR RELATIONSHIP FUEL?

    Praise is a relationship booster. And yet, we regularly underestimate its importance. Whether you’re in class, at work, or chatting, giving and receiving praise can transform the relationship. Done right, praise builds confidence and trust, and makes people more eager to show up and exceed performance expectations. But there are some rules to follow for praise to do its thing.

    WHEN GIVING PRAISE, SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT

    Great praise is specific (Zero in on what you’re praising, spotlight what someone did well); authentic (It should sound natural, not forced); and timely (Give praise when the moment still matters).

    WHEN RECEIVING PRAISE, DON’T DUCK DOWN

    If you deflect praise, you run the risk of shutting it down. Instead, when being praised, accept it (“Thank you, that means a lot”), own it (“I really tried hard”), and reflect on it (“Here’s what I learned. . .).

    PRAISE IS CONTAGEOUS

    When a person is praised, they feel valued, and are more likely to repeat the behavior they are being praised for. They also are apt to pass the praise on to someone else who’s worthy.

    KEEP IT REAL

    Praise should be a recognition of a person’s real strengths. Avoid over-the-top exaggerations, worthless flattery, and praising someone whether they deserve it or not.

    ACTION PLAN: Give and Get Praise Where Praise is Due

    Get together with a person who in your eyes merits praise. Tell them specifically what they did well, and why it matters.

    Ask someone you’re with, “What’s one thing you think I do well when we’re together?” When they respond, don’t deflect the response. Simply say, “Thank You.”

    Reflect on what it feels like to give praise and get praise.  Which do you find harder?

  • TEXTING IS REPLACING CONVERSATION

    We are living in a digital world. Texting a thumbs-up emoji substitutes for having a real person-to-person conversation. Although texting may feel efficient, is it preferable? What happens when texting replaces our actually talking to one another? Well, there are upsides and downsides.

    The Upside

    Texting is the fast food of communication. It’s quick, easy, and always available. It lets you edit your thoughts, respond on your own time, and not sweat the thought of not being able to hold up your end of a conversation. It just feels safer.

    The Downside

    When we text instead of talk, we lose the most powerful part of communication. Others often misread the meaning of our text. Texting can help us maintain a relationship, but texting alone rarely builds or deepens a relationship. There’s no eye contact with texting. There’s something missing from the connection. We call that the human element.

    The Screen Effect

    If screens carry most of day-to-day communication, our face-to-face skills get rusty. We start avoiding making small talk. We neglect to respond “in the moment.” We struggle to read nonverbal cues.

    Talk Humanizes Relationships

    Talk is more than exchanging words. It’s about building trust, reading others’ silent messages, and feeling seen. Talk lets us quickly clear up misunderstandings. Talk is a friendship strengthener. When practiced, it boosts self-confidence.

    ACTION PLAN

    Commit to flexing your conversation muscles by engaging in three brief low-stake conversations every day for one week. You might chat with the barista preparing your coffee, a person in front of or behind you in line, or a colleague you don’t usually chat with. If you’re at a loss for words, try using a conversation starter like “What’s been the best part of your day so far?” “Have you tried anything here you’d recommend to others?” Your goal is not to be perfect, but to be present and aware. You just might discover that the next time instead of reaching for your phone to text, you choose to unlock a stronger connection by swapping that text for a quick call or in-person chat.

  • Want to Stay Friends?

    A strong friendship doesn’t typically fall apart in one dramatic moment. Instead, it usually fades in the quiet spaces. The unanswered texts. The “let’s hang out soon” that never happens. The slow drift. But the good news? Strong friendships don’t depend on constant contact. Instead, they depend on one friend or the other creating opportunities for intentional connection.

    Strong friendships don’t just happen. They’re built, maintained, and occasionally repaired. You can calculate the difference between someone who used to be important… and someone who still is, by the effort you expend. If you have a friendship that matters to you, here’s how to help it genuinely thrive.

    Stay Consistently, Not Constantly, Connected

    Although you don’t need to talk every day, you do need to regularly show up. A quick meme, a “this made me think of you,” or a random check-in text goes a long way. It says: you’re still part of my life.

    Consistency builds trust. Silence builds distance.

    Listen Like It Matters. It Does

    Real listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk. It’s remembering what your friend said last week. It’s asking, “Hey, how did that thing go?” It’s noticing what their tone reveals.

    People stay in friendships where they feel heard.

    Show Up When It Counts

    Anyone can celebrate the highs. Real friends show up in the messy middle. They’re there for the stressful week, the breakup, the “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life” doldrums.

    A friend doesn’t need your perfect advice. A friend needs your presence.
    Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is: “I’ve got you.”

    Balance the Friendship See-Saw

    Healthy friendships aren’t scorecards, but neither should they be one-sided. Both people should give, check in, initiate, and care.

    If you notice you’re either always, or never, the one reaching, it might be time to recalibrate and balance the friendship.

    Keep It Fun

    Friendships aren’t just for deep talks. They’re also for laughing until your stomach hurts. Share inside jokes. Try something new together. Let go.

    Joy is glue.

    Action Plan:  Take The “Friendship Refresh” Challenge

    Pick one friendship you truly value and do the following this week:

    1. Reach out intentionally. Send a message that goes beyond “hey.” Try:
      “I’ve been thinking about how much I appreciate you because…”
    2. Reconnect meaningfully. Ask one thoughtful question:
      “What’s something you’ve been excited or stressed about lately?”
    3. Plan time together. It can be simple: coffee, a walk, or even a 15-minute call.
    4. Follow through. This is where most people drop the ball. Don’t.

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  • How to Argue with a Friend and Remain Friends

    Handled well, an argument can actually strengthen a friendship. You learn more about each other, build trust, and prove that your connection can handle a little heat. Here’s how to argue well.

    Redefine “Winning”

    If your goal is to win, you’ve already lost. Sorry to point this out, but it’s true.

    To preserve your friendship, try this mindset shift:
    “It’s not me vs. you. It’s us vs. the problem.”

    That tiny reframing changes everything—from your tone to your word choice to how willing you are to listen.

    Start Soft, Not Prickly

    How you begin determines how things will end.

    Instead of: “You always do this!”’

    Try: “Hey, can we talk about something that’s been bugging me?”

    Use a soft start-up. Relationship pros swear by it, and it keeps your friend from immediately going into defense mode like a startled squirrel.

    Listen Like You Mean It

    Most people listen to reload. Don’t do that.

    Instead:

    • Make eye contact
    • Don’t interrupt, even when you really want to
    • Reflect back what you hear: “So you felt left out when I didn’t invite you?”

    This shows respect—and can calm things down fast.

    Name the Real Issue

    Arguments are sneaky. What starts as “You didn’t text me back” often means: “I felt ignored.” “I wasn’t sure I mattered.”

    Ban Argument Killers

    If these show up, things usually go downhill:

    • “Always” / “Never” → these are exaggeration alerts
    • Mind-reading → “You clearly don’t care
    • Scorekeeping → “Well YOU did this last month!”

    Replace with specifics that are simple, powerful, and less explosive: “When X happened, I felt Y.”

    Aim for Understanding, Not Total Agreement

    You don’t have to agree on everything to move forward.

    Try this magic phrase: “I see why you’d feel that way.”

    It doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re respectful. And that keeps the door open.

    Repair

    Even great communicators mess up mid-argument. The difference? They repair.

    Try:

    • “That came out harsher than I meant.”
    • “Let me try that again.”
    • “I care about you more than this argument.”

    Those little resets can save the whole conversation.

    ACTION PLAN: Have a 5-10 Minute “Friendly Argument”

    Grab a friend willing to role-play with you. Pick a low-stakes topic:

    • Best pizza topping
    • Group project pet peeves
    • Who takes too long to reply to texts

    Step 1: Agree to the Ground Rules

    • No interrupting
    • No “always/never”
    • Stay respectful

    Step 2: Take Turns

    • Person A talks for no more than 2 minutes
    • Person B summarizes what they heard before responding
    • Switch roles

    Step 3: Find Common Ground

    Together answer:
     “What do we actually agree on?”
    “What do I understand better about you?”

    Use a repair phrase if things get tense.

    Remember, arguments aren’t the enemy. Arguments badly handled are.

  • HOW TO HAVE A “NO DRAMA” CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATION

    Let’s face it: talking to other humans can be challenging. One minute you’re discussing weekend plans, the next you’re in a heated debate about pineapple on pizza or whether “reply all” should be illegal. Constructive dialoguing is what keeps conversations productive instead of turning them into verbal dodgeball. The good news? It’s a skill you can absolutely learn.

    Start with Curiosity, Not Combat

    If you walk into a conversation ready to “win,” you’ve already lost. Constructive dialogue isn’t about victory; it’s about understanding. Approach the other person like a fascinating documentary, not an opponent on the playing field. Try thinking: “Huh, that’s interesting—tell me more,” instead of “That’s wrong, and here’s my rebuttal.”

    Listen, Like You Care

    Real listening is not just waiting for your turn to talk. It’s resisting the urge to mentally draft your comeback while the other person is still mid-sentence. Make eye contact, nod, and actually absorb what’s being said. Bonus points if you can summarize their point before responding. Yes, this is hard. No, scrolling on your phone; scrolling does not count as listening.

    Use Your Words, Nicely

    Constructive dialogue thrives on respectful language. Swap “You always…” and “You never…” for “I feel…” and “I think…” This keeps things from escalating into a full-blown episode of Law & Order: Argument Unit. Remember, tone matters—what you say and how you say it are a package deal.

    Agree to Disagree, Mostly Like a Mature Adult

    Here’s a wild concept: you don’t have to agree on everything. In fact, you won’t. And that’s okay. Constructive dialogue means finding common ground where possible and respectfully acknowledging differences where not. You can walk away thinking, “We see this differently,” instead of “I must now cut this person out of my life.”

    Keep the Goal in Mind

    Ask yourself: What am I trying to achieve here? If the answer is “to prove I’m right and feel superior,” it’s best to hit pause. If the goal is understanding, problem-solving, or strengthening a relationship, you’ve got it down pat.

    Action Plan: Switch Sides

    Grab a friend, classmate, or brave family member. Pick a light, mildly controversial topic, e.g., “Is cereal soup?” or “Are early mornings superior to late nights?”

    Step 1: Each person shares their opinion for 1–2 minutes.
    Step 2: Switch sides. Yes, really. You must now argue the other person’s position as convincingly as possible.
    Step 3: Afterward, discuss what felt differently when you had to see the issue from another perspective.

    When done right, your conversation can create a stronger connections with your partner, rather than dissolve into conflict.

  • SMALL TALK FUELS CAREER SUCCESS

    Small talk often gets dismissed as shallow, awkward, or unnecessary. In a world that values efficiency and productivity, chatting about the weather or weekend plans can feel like a waste of time. But in reality, small talk is one of the most powerful—and underrated—tools for career growth. When used well, it opens doors, builds trust, and creates opportunities that formal interactions alone rarely achieve.

    Small Talk Builds First Impressions That Stick

    Before people evaluate your skills, they evaluate your presence. Small talk is often your first opportunity to show others how approachable you are. Sharing a brief conversation before a meeting or interview adds a human touch.

    When you engage in small talk, you signal emotional intelligence—the ability to read social cues, respond appropriately, and make others feel comfortable. These traits are highly valued in any workplace and often prove to be the differentiator when it comes to providing a career boost.

    Small Talk Strengthens Professional Relationships

    Careers are built on relationships, not just performance. Small talk acts as social glue by holding professional connections together. It transforms interactions from purely transactional (“Did you finish the report?”) into relational (“How was your weekend?”).

    These micro-interactions build trust over time. When people feel comfortable with you, they’re more likely to collaborate, support your ideas, and advocate for you when opportunities arise.

    Small Talk Expands Your Network Organically

    Networking doesn’t always happen at formal events—it often starts with casual conversation. A quick chat in the hallway, a comment before a meeting starts, or a conversation at a coffee machine can lead to meaningful connections.

    Small talk lowers the barrier to entry. Instead of launching into a formal pitch, you ease into a relationship. Over time, these small interactions can evolve into mentorships, partnerships, or even job offers.

    It Demonstrates Communication Skills Employers Value

    Employers consistently rank communication as one of the most critical skills in the workplace. Small talk showcases your ability to engage, listen, and respond thoughtfully in real time.

    It demonstrates you adaptability. You learn how to adjust your tone, topic, and approach depending on the person and context—whether you’re speaking with a peer, a manager, or a client.

    Small Talk Creates Opportunities You Can’t Plan For

    Some of the most significant career moments begin with casual conversation. A quick exchange can reveal shared interests, uncover hidden opportunities, or spark ideas.

    For example, mentioning a project you’re passionate about during a casual chat might lead someone to connect you with a new initiative. These moments rarely happen in structured meetings—they emerge naturally through informal dialogue.

    It Helps You Be Seen and Remembered

    In busy workplaces, visibility matters. Small talk keeps you present in people’s minds in a positive way. You’re not just the person who emails or texts—you’re the person who engages, connects, and contributes to the workplace culture.

    How to Get Better at Small Talk

    If small talk feels uncomfortable, you’re not alone. The good news is that it’s a skill you can develop:

    • Start simple: Ask open-ended questions like “How’s your week going?”
    • Listen actively: Show genuine interest in the response
    • Find common ground: Look for shared experiences or interests
    • Keep it brief and natural: Small talk doesn’t need to be long to be effective
    • Practice regularly: The more you do it, the easier it becomes

    Action Plan

    To build confidence and make small talk a natural habit, try this simple, repeatable exercise:

    Step 1: Prepare

    Before entering a social or professional setting, come up with three easy conversation starters. For example:

    • “How has your week been so far?”
    • “Did you catch anything interesting over the weekend?”
    • “What are you working on lately?”

    Having these ready reduces anxiety and helps you start conversations smoothly.

    Step 2: Engage

    Challenge yourself to initiate small talk with at least two people:

    • A colleague you don’t usually speak with
    • Someone you see regularly but haven’t connected with beyond work tasks

    Keep the interaction brief—1 to 3 minutes is enough.

    Step 3: Reflect

    Afterward, take a moment to reflect:

    • What went well?
    • What felt natural or awkward?
    • What did you learn about the other person?

    Remember one insight you can apply when you see one of these colleagues again.

    The Follow-Up

    The next day, reconnect with one of these people and reference something they shared:

    • “Hey, how did that presentation go?”
    • “Did you end up trying that restaurant you mentioned?”

    This simple follow-up transforms small talk into relationship-building—and that’s where the real career impact happens.

    Final Thoughts

    Small talk isn’t small; it’s strategic. It builds relationships, enhances your professional image, and creates opportunities that can shape your career in meaningful ways. In a competitive workplace, the ability to connect with others on a human level is not just a “nice-to-have” skill—it’s a career advantage.

    So the next time you’re tempted to skip the casual conversation, take a moment to engage. That brief exchange might be doing more for your career than you imagine.

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  • THE STORY CLOTHING TELLS

    Clothing has a story to tell. According to fashion critics, the clothing worn by civil rights leader Jesse Jackson told a story about his aspirations for himself and the nation. The clothing worn by first ladies tells a similar story—offering up an image of how they see themselves as well as symbolizing their fashion fluency and values for the country. What story does your manner of dress tell? What story do your clothing and artifacts reveal about your personality, mood, social status, and professional intentions?

    Clothing and Personality

    If you often wear bold and bright colors, others might conclude you are extroverted and creative, whereas the wearing of more neutral and classic styles tells a different story—one that suggests you’re more refined and tradition oriented. On the other hand, if you habitually wear clothing that is loose and casual, you’re helping others see you as relaxed, flexible, and practical.

    Mood and Values

    What you wear tells a story about your emotional state. Dressing up may boost your confidence. Wearing formal, structured clothing may provide a sense of security. Wearing comfortable clothing helps reduce stress. Similarly, wearing eco-friendly clothing can signal environmental consciousness, just as particular tees and brand logos announce one’s affiliation with a particular group.

    Social Status

    Wearing high-end brands signals wealth and influence. People often use clothing to symbolize their place in the social hierarchy.

    Professional Intentions

    What people wear can help to symbolize their professionalism, competence, and ambition. What do your clothing choices communicate about you to your colleagues?

    Action Plan

    Although it’s important to acknowledge that clothing is part of a person’s story—not the whole story, it does function as an identity indicator.  Reflect on how what others wear affects your reaction to them. Consider how what you wear affects others’ reactions to you. Think about how your clothing choices can transform how others see you and how you think about yourself.  Are you happy with the story you’re telling? Or, is it time to tell a new story?