Blogging About Communication

When we say, “Honesty is the best policy,” are we lying? Lies are part of everyday life. Some of us use them to help smooth social interactions. Others use them to avoid having to face the truth. If uncovered, a lie erodes trust much like a slow leak in a tire erodes safety. What kind of lies do you tell? Do any of these types of lies ring true?

THE “WHITE LIE”

Example: “Your hair looks great!” (when it really doesn’t)

White lies are told to protect another person’s feelings. Usually harmless, and sometimes helpful in small doses, the problem occurs when white lies are overused and people wonder if you’re ever being real with them.

The “POLITE DODGE”

Example: “Let me check my schedule.” (In other words, no).

When asked for a favor, why not tell someone you can’t, rather than trying to dodge having to tell the truth. Eventually, others will catch on, read between the lines, and lose trust in you.

THE “LIE OF OMISSION”

Example: You tell a colleague the project is progressing, when you actually missed the deadline.

This lie doesn’t reveal everything. Technically, it’s true. Realistically, it’s questionable. When discovered, it feels more deceptive than an outright lie, because the truth was purposely withheld.

THE EXAGGERATION

Example: “My presentation went great!” (Three people nodded off, most sat blank-faced, 3 smiled)

Filtering the truth through rose-covered glasses takes a toll on your credibility.

THE BLATANT LIE

Example: “I did not do it!” (Yes, you did).

This is nothing but clear, overt deception. A blatant lie doesn’t merely put a crack in your relationship. It shatters the relationship. Rebuilding a relationship after getting caught telling a blatant lie won’t be easy.

SELF-DECEPTION

Example: “I work best under pressure.”

You want the lie you tell yourself to be true, so to you, it is true. When you’re not honest with yourself, the person you’re hurting is you!

Truth be told. . . when your words and behavior match reality, others place trust in you. They don’t wonder “Is this true?” They don’t feel the need to double check you. They don’t ask, “What else might not be accurate?”

ACTION PLAN

For the next 24 hours, keep track of the “lies” you tell, especially those “insignificant,” almost automatic, and blatant ones. Every time you stretch, omit, attempt to soften the truth, or outright lie, do the following: Catch It. Classify It. Correct or gently revise It. And Reflect. Ask yourself why you were about to lie. What did you fear would happen if you told the truth instead? The more honest we are, the easier it is for others to trust us, and for us to trust them back. Now isn’t that the truth!