Blogging About Communication

Communication in Your Life

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  • ARE YOU GOOD AT PLAYING CATCH AT WORK?

    Communicating effectively at work feels a lot like playing a game of catch. Whether you’re tossing a ball in your yard or sharing ideas in a meeting, success depends on focusing, working together, and keeping the ball moving.

    Are Your Eyes on the Ball?

    When playing catch, take your eyes off the ball, and you likely lose sight of it, bobbling the catch. Communicating in the workplace, works similarly. Listening closely to co-workers, clients, and higher-ups helps you understand what’s being said so you can respond appropriately. Projects move forward more smoothly when everyone pays attention.

    Is the Ball Thrown Catchable?

    A great catch partner doesn’t launch the ball into outer space. They throw it so the other person actually can catch it. At work, clear communication makes the difference. Instead of overwhelming colleagues with jargon, emails and texts, or confusing instructions, deliver messages that are easy to understand, making it likely others will receive the message as intended.

    Do You Wait Before Throwing the Ball Back?

    In catch, you don’t immediately throw the ball back before taking time to secure it. Likewise, in conversations, it’s helpful to fully comprehend what the other person is saying before responding. Taking a moment to process what you hear can help avoid misunderstandings and improve collaboration.

    Do You Panic When You Drop the Ball?

    Now and then, everyone misses a catch. It’s the same way in communication. Mistakes happen. What’s important is to respond with an apology, a clarification, or by following up. When you act to get things back on track, the game continues.

    Action Plan

    For one workday, pay attention to your “communication catches.” Each time, someone throws you the ball, sharing information with you:

    1. Listen without interrupting.
    2. Repeat back the main point in your own words.
    3. Ask one clarifying question.
    4. Then provide your response.

    At day’s end, ask yourself: Did conversations feel smoother? Did I catch details I might have otherwise missed?

  • PLAY TUG OF WAR AND LEARN A LIFE LESSON ABOUT CONFLICT

    At some point in our lives, we all play tug of war. Two teams grab opposite sides of a rope, dig in their heels, and pull with all their might. The goal? Make the other side lose. Conflict often feels like a game of tug of war. Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, a co-worker, or partner, our focus is on pulling harder than the other person instead of finding a way forward.

    What Happens When Winning is the Only Goal?

    The goal of tug of war is winning. When embroiled in a conflict, however, treating disagreement as a competition is not the best way forward. When our focus is on proving ourselves right, we stop listening—and pull harder on our side of the rope. Soon, both sides become frustrated, exhausting themselves, refusing to let go. Healthy conflict isn’t about defeating the other party. It’s about finding a way to solve the problem together.

    In Tug of War, When You Pull Harder, They Pull Harder

    Conflict works the same way. Raise your voice and the other party raises theirs. You become defensive and they become defensive. The result? A competitive cycle. The smart move isn’t pulling harder. It’s changing how you engage.

    Have the Confidence to Loosen Your Hold on the Rope

    Loosening your grip doesn’t mean giving up on what you believe and value. It does mean becoming less concerned with “winning” and more focused on understanding. Ask questions. Listen. Acknowledge the other’s perspective. Reduce the tension between you, and you’re more apt to find a way to overcome your common challenge. It’s no longer me versus you. It’s us against the problem. Sometimes strength depends more on being willing to release rather than to pull in opposition.

    Action Plan

    The next time you find yourself disagreeing with someone, imagine an invisible tug of war rope between you. Ask yourself: What am I pulling on right now? Am I trying to understand or win? What will happen if I loosen my grip? What if instead of standing on opposite sides, we stand on the same side and address the issue together? Instead of treating the other person as an opponent, be willing to work together to move forward.

  •             THE WORLD OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND JUMP ROPE  

    Interpersonal relationships involve people, emotions, and communication. Jump rope involves a rope, a little coordination, and occasionally tripping over our own feet. Yet, the two share a lot in common.

    TIMING MATTERS

    In jump rope, timing is everything. Jump too soon or too late, and you end up tangled in the rope. Relationships work similarly. Knowing when to speak, when to listen, when to offer advice, and when to simply be present can make all the difference. Effective conversations depend on good timing.

    BEING PERFECT IS NOT REQUIRED

    Anyone who jumps rope misses a few steps now and then. It’s part of the game. The same is true in relationships. Occasionally, we all misspeak, misunderstand another’s feelings, or fail to respond appropriately to the other person. Relationships don’t require perfection. They’re sustained by our ability to recover, apologize, and keep working at them.

    RHYTHM CREATES CONNECTION

    Good jump-ropers develop a rhythm. Once they find it, jumping rope feels easier. Relationships also develop rhythms. We have our routines or patterns. These shared rhythms create comfort, predictability, and a sense of belonging.

    THE MORE YOU WORK AT IT, THE BETTER YOU GET

    No one becomes an expert jump roper overnight. It takes persistence and repetition to improve. Relationships work the same way. The more effort we put into our connections, the stronger they become.

    ACTION PLAN

    To avoid finding yourself at the end of your rope, for the next three days complete each of the following relationships jumps, reflecting on how small actions can make a big difference in your connections:

    1. Send a message of appreciation to a friend or colleague.
    2. Ask a friend or colleague a question, and really listen to their answer.
    3. Reach out to a friend or colleague you haven’t spoken to in a while.

  • IS COMMUNICATION REALLY A GAME OF HIDE AND SEEK?

    You bet it is! Sometimes when two people interact, one of them may be trying to hide what they really mean, think, or are feeling, while the other person is trying to uncover meaning and seek understanding. And just like the game we played when kids, the outcome of the interaction can be surprising, competitive, and occasionally awkward.

    SOMETIMES WE HIDE MORE THAN WE REALIZE

    The point of the game hide-and-seek is for the person hiding not to be found immediately. We do this all the time when we communicate. Have you ever heard one person tell another person, “Do whatever you think you have to do.” “No problem. It’s no big deal.” Translation?  It absolutely is a big deal! We hide our emotions behind less than honest replies, jokes, sarcasm, or emojis. Why? Because too often we don’t want to or don’t know how to explain how we really feel. Too often, we expect others to find what we’re hiding. It’s a hard fact, however, that mindreading is not a communication skill.

    LISTENERS ARE THE ULTIMATE SEEKERS

    The best hide-and-seek players know how to pay attention. They notice movements, look for patterns, are tuned into sounds, and pick up on clues. Great communicators do the same thing. They pick up on voice tone, facial expressions, pauses, and what someone says as opposed to what they don’t say. That’s why communication is about more than the words a person speaks.

    WEAK COMMUNICATORS HIDE BEHIND CURTAINS

    Every kid who plays hide and seek eventually learns that hiding behind a curtain with their feet sticking out isn’t the best strategy. Yet, we do this all the time when we interact with others. We may send a confusing text, give vague instructions, hint instead of directly saying what we mean, tell someone “nothing’s wrong,” when we think just the opposite. And we get upset when no one understands us. Clear communication means being direct enough that others don’t have to conduct a deep search to discover our meaning. This means not requiring others to play detective.

    WE WANT OTHERS TO FIND US

    Most people want to be found! We want others to understand us. We want to feel seen and heard. We want others to notice when something matters to us. Here’s the secret: Listen carefully. Explain openly.

    ACTION PLAN

    Pick a day and remove unnecessary hiding from your communication. Instead, say what you mean, ask follow-up questions, replace vague responses with specific ones, put your phone down and listen fully when interacting with others. At the end of the day, ask yourself this question: Did communication improve when fewer people had to “seek” the real message? We bet it did!

  • EVER TREAT CONFLICT LIKE IT’S A HOT POTATO?

    Remember the game of “hot potato?” Well, we often treat conflict like it’s a hot potato. We panic when we think there’s no one left for us to pass the conflict to. We worry that we’ll be the one left holding it.

    Why We Rush to Pass Conflict Along

    Experiencing conflict makes many of us feel uncomfortable. As a result, when it occurs—we try to get rid of it—like we do a hot potato. How do we do this? We avoid handling it. We blame someone else. We become defensive. We might even send “K” as a message. Instead of focusing on and cooling down the hot potato, we toss it on. Here’s the tricky part. When left unresolved, conflict grows.

    The Best Communicators Don’t Throw the Potato

    Strong communicators pause before responding to a conflict. Instead of tossing the conflict away, they listen. They take time to ask questions. They clarify confusion. They calm down, and then they continue. Strong communicators are capable of handling a hot potato without panicking. When it’s well handled, conflict improves our relationships. Friends become stronger. Families become more compassionate. Teams become smarter.

    Cool Down the Potato

    A calm person controls the conflict. They might say something like: “Can we talk about what just happened?” “Help me understand your perspective.” “I think we may have misunderstood each other.”

    Action Plan

    The next time you feel the urge to “pass the hot potato of conflict” off of your plate and on to someone else’s, try this: Pause for 5 seconds. Take a cleansing breath. Ask yourself “Will my reaction cool things down or heat them up?” Then respond calmly, rather than become emotional. You just might discover that the best way to win the game of hot potato is to stop throwing it.

  • HOW IS COMMUNICATION LIKE A GAME OF DODGEBALL?

    Interpersonal communication can be a lot like dodgeball? We need to stay engaged, read the room, know when to throw and when to duck, and be careful not to hit our own teammate.

    Think about it. Every conversation has its own movement, strategy, timing, and emotion. Some of us charge into discussions. Others hang back. The best among us play smart, stay responsive, and keep everyone in the game.

    KNOW ANY FAST TALKING, RAPID FIRE-THROWERS?

    You know the type. Entering the conversation, they throw ten opinions at you before anyone else even touches the ball. These are the dominators, the interrupters, those who assume louder is better. Eventually, others will turn their backs and not play with them. They need to learn to include others, not stream roll them.

    KNOW ANY DODGERS WHO TRY AND AVOID PLAYING?

    This type just dodges everything. Conflict? Duck. Feedback? Dodge. Difficult conversation? Sprint to the other side of the room. Misunderstandings pile up. Tensions rise. Relationships weaken. Instead we need to approach conversations with honesty, tact, and emotional control.

    FRIENDLY FIRE IS REAL

    Ever accidentally hurt a colleague with sarcasm, a careless text, or a really bad joke told at their expense? Welcome to interpersonal dodgeball’s version of friendly fire. Instead of misfiring, we need to read emotional cues, and respond with emotional intelligence. Make others feel emotionally safe, not threatened.

    THE LESSON

    Focus less on scoring relationship points, and more on relationship building. In real life, when you leave a conversation upset, no one wins.

    ACTION PLAN

    For one full day, challenge yourself to Catch before you throw. Don’t throw the ball right back. Pause and summarize what another person has said before offering your own thoughts. Don’t dodge. Be respectful and direct when you respond to the other person’s contribution. Avoid friendly fire. Ask yourself if what you’re about to say could accidently hurt the other person. Don’t aim to win. Aim to stay connected.

  • THE TRUTH ABOUT LIES

    When we say, “Honesty is the best policy,” are we lying? Lies are part of everyday life. Some of us use them to help smooth social interactions. Others use them to avoid having to face the truth. If uncovered, a lie erodes trust much like a slow leak in a tire erodes safety. What kind of lies do you tell? Do any of these types of lies ring true?

    THE “WHITE LIE”

    Example: “Your hair looks great!” (when it really doesn’t)

    White lies are told to protect another person’s feelings. Usually harmless, and sometimes helpful in small doses, the problem occurs when white lies are overused and people wonder if you’re ever being real with them.

    The “POLITE DODGE”

    Example: “Let me check my schedule.” (In other words, no).

    When asked for a favor, why not tell someone you can’t, rather than trying to dodge having to tell the truth. Eventually, others will catch on, read between the lines, and lose trust in you.

    THE “LIE OF OMISSION”

    Example: You tell a colleague the project is progressing, when you actually missed the deadline.

    This lie doesn’t reveal everything. Technically, it’s true. Realistically, it’s questionable. When discovered, it feels more deceptive than an outright lie, because the truth was purposely withheld.

    THE EXAGGERATION

    Example: “My presentation went great!” (Three people nodded off, most sat blank-faced, 3 smiled)

    Filtering the truth through rose-covered glasses takes a toll on your credibility.

    THE BLATANT LIE

    Example: “I did not do it!” (Yes, you did).

    This is nothing but clear, overt deception. A blatant lie doesn’t merely put a crack in your relationship. It shatters the relationship. Rebuilding a relationship after getting caught telling a blatant lie won’t be easy.

    SELF-DECEPTION

    Example: “I work best under pressure.”

    You want the lie you tell yourself to be true, so to you, it is true. When you’re not honest with yourself, the person you’re hurting is you!

    Truth be told. . . when your words and behavior match reality, others place trust in you. They don’t wonder “Is this true?” They don’t feel the need to double check you. They don’t ask, “What else might not be accurate?”

    ACTION PLAN

    For the next 24 hours, keep track of the “lies” you tell, especially those “insignificant,” almost automatic, and blatant ones. Every time you stretch, omit, attempt to soften the truth, or outright lie, do the following: Catch It. Classify It. Correct or gently revise It. And Reflect. Ask yourself why you were about to lie. What did you fear would happen if you told the truth instead? The more honest we are, the easier it is for others to trust us, and for us to trust them back. Now isn’t that the truth!

  • PRAISE:  RELATIONSHIP FLUFF OR RELATIONSHIP FUEL?

    Praise is a relationship booster. And yet, we regularly underestimate its importance. Whether you’re in class, at work, or chatting, giving and receiving praise can transform the relationship. Done right, praise builds confidence and trust, and makes people more eager to show up and exceed performance expectations. But there are some rules to follow for praise to do its thing.

    WHEN GIVING PRAISE, SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT

    Great praise is specific (Zero in on what you’re praising, spotlight what someone did well); authentic (It should sound natural, not forced); and timely (Give praise when the moment still matters).

    WHEN RECEIVING PRAISE, DON’T DUCK DOWN

    If you deflect praise, you run the risk of shutting it down. Instead, when being praised, accept it (“Thank you, that means a lot”), own it (“I really tried hard”), and reflect on it (“Here’s what I learned. . .).

    PRAISE IS CONTAGEOUS

    When a person is praised, they feel valued, and are more likely to repeat the behavior they are being praised for. They also are apt to pass the praise on to someone else who’s worthy.

    KEEP IT REAL

    Praise should be a recognition of a person’s real strengths. Avoid over-the-top exaggerations, worthless flattery, and praising someone whether they deserve it or not.

    ACTION PLAN: Give and Get Praise Where Praise is Due

    Get together with a person who in your eyes merits praise. Tell them specifically what they did well, and why it matters.

    Ask someone you’re with, “What’s one thing you think I do well when we’re together?” When they respond, don’t deflect the response. Simply say, “Thank You.”

    Reflect on what it feels like to give praise and get praise.  Which do you find harder?

  • TEXTING IS REPLACING CONVERSATION

    We are living in a digital world. Texting a thumbs-up emoji substitutes for having a real person-to-person conversation. Although texting may feel efficient, is it preferable? What happens when texting replaces our actually talking to one another? Well, there are upsides and downsides.

    The Upside

    Texting is the fast food of communication. It’s quick, easy, and always available. It lets you edit your thoughts, respond on your own time, and not sweat the thought of not being able to hold up your end of a conversation. It just feels safer.

    The Downside

    When we text instead of talk, we lose the most powerful part of communication. Others often misread the meaning of our text. Texting can help us maintain a relationship, but texting alone rarely builds or deepens a relationship. There’s no eye contact with texting. There’s something missing from the connection. We call that the human element.

    The Screen Effect

    If screens carry most of day-to-day communication, our face-to-face skills get rusty. We start avoiding making small talk. We neglect to respond “in the moment.” We struggle to read nonverbal cues.

    Talk Humanizes Relationships

    Talk is more than exchanging words. It’s about building trust, reading others’ silent messages, and feeling seen. Talk lets us quickly clear up misunderstandings. Talk is a friendship strengthener. When practiced, it boosts self-confidence.

    ACTION PLAN

    Commit to flexing your conversation muscles by engaging in three brief low-stake conversations every day for one week. You might chat with the barista preparing your coffee, a person in front of or behind you in line, or a colleague you don’t usually chat with. If you’re at a loss for words, try using a conversation starter like “What’s been the best part of your day so far?” “Have you tried anything here you’d recommend to others?” Your goal is not to be perfect, but to be present and aware. You just might discover that the next time instead of reaching for your phone to text, you choose to unlock a stronger connection by swapping that text for a quick call or in-person chat.

  • Want to Stay Friends?

    A strong friendship doesn’t typically fall apart in one dramatic moment. Instead, it usually fades in the quiet spaces. The unanswered texts. The “let’s hang out soon” that never happens. The slow drift. But the good news? Strong friendships don’t depend on constant contact. Instead, they depend on one friend or the other creating opportunities for intentional connection.

    Strong friendships don’t just happen. They’re built, maintained, and occasionally repaired. You can calculate the difference between someone who used to be important… and someone who still is, by the effort you expend. If you have a friendship that matters to you, here’s how to help it genuinely thrive.

    Stay Consistently, Not Constantly, Connected

    Although you don’t need to talk every day, you do need to regularly show up. A quick meme, a “this made me think of you,” or a random check-in text goes a long way. It says: you’re still part of my life.

    Consistency builds trust. Silence builds distance.

    Listen Like It Matters. It Does

    Real listening is more than waiting for your turn to talk. It’s remembering what your friend said last week. It’s asking, “Hey, how did that thing go?” It’s noticing what their tone reveals.

    People stay in friendships where they feel heard.

    Show Up When It Counts

    Anyone can celebrate the highs. Real friends show up in the messy middle. They’re there for the stressful week, the breakup, the “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life” doldrums.

    A friend doesn’t need your perfect advice. A friend needs your presence.
    Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is: “I’ve got you.”

    Balance the Friendship See-Saw

    Healthy friendships aren’t scorecards, but neither should they be one-sided. Both people should give, check in, initiate, and care.

    If you notice you’re either always, or never, the one reaching, it might be time to recalibrate and balance the friendship.

    Keep It Fun

    Friendships aren’t just for deep talks. They’re also for laughing until your stomach hurts. Share inside jokes. Try something new together. Let go.

    Joy is glue.

    Action Plan:  Take The “Friendship Refresh” Challenge

    Pick one friendship you truly value and do the following this week:

    1. Reach out intentionally. Send a message that goes beyond “hey.” Try:
      “I’ve been thinking about how much I appreciate you because…”
    2. Reconnect meaningfully. Ask one thoughtful question:
      “What’s something you’ve been excited or stressed about lately?”
    3. Plan time together. It can be simple: coffee, a walk, or even a 15-minute call.
    4. Follow through. This is where most people drop the ball. Don’t.

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