Blogging About Communication

The childhood game Red-Light/Green-Light can enlighten us about how to engage in a conversation. Think back to when you stood shoulder-to-shoulder in a school gym or playing field with friends, eyes focused on the leader at the front. As soon as you heard the words green-light you sprinted forward, only to freeze in place as soon as the words red-light were said. The players who followed directions stayed in the game. Those who kept moving forward were called out and eliminated from the game. As it turns out, participating in a conversation is a lot like the game of Red-Light/Green-Light.

GREEN-LIGHT: KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING

The best conversations have momentum. When your conversational partner smiles, nods, asks questions, or shares their own thoughts and experiences, they are giving you a green-light, telling you to keep the exchange going. Think about how energized you feel when another person is fully engaged and interested. You expand on your ideas. You tell a story or two. You become more open.  Good communicators know how to give others plenty of green-lights by making eye contact, demonstrating curiosity, and actively listening.

RED-LIGHT: KNOW WHEN TO PAUSE

Conversation is not always full speed ahead. Sometimes a potential partner is distracted, stressed, or simply not willing to continue an exchange. Ignoring those signals is like continuing to run forward after the person in charge has shouted, “Red-Light.” Skilled conversationalists recognize when it’s time to pause and wait. Timing in conversation is often just as important as the message you’re delivering.

YELLOW-LIGHT: TAKE IT SLOW

Unlike the game of Red-Light/Green-Light, real-life includes lots of yellow lights. Have you ever started to send a text when angry? Interrupted a partner? Jumped to a wrong conclusion? These are yellow-light moments. In the midst of responding, rather than charging ahead, slow down and ask yourself: Is this the right time? Do I have the facts I need? Will my words improve the conversation?

WHO WINS THE GAME?

When playing Red-Light/Green-Light as a kid, the winner was the first person to reach the finish line. When it comes to conversation, the winner isn’t the fastest talker or the loudest voice. The real victory happens when we understand one another, build trust and interest in one another, and feel respected. For that to happen, sometimes it makes sense to pause or stop rather than keep moving forward.

ACTION PLAN

The next time you’re talking with friends, family members, or co-workers, become a “traffic detective.” For one day, notice the conversational signals people give:

Green-Lights: Smiles, follow-up questions, leaning in, laughter, eye contact

Yellow-Lights: Hesitations, long pauses, distracted attention

Red-Lights: Looking away, folded arms, checking the time or phone, showing frustration

After each conversation, ask yourself: Did I recognize the signals? Did I successfully adjust my communication? When did I pass through a red light? When did I hesitate at a green-light? Good communicators figure out when to go, when to pause, and when to stop.