Blogging About Communication

The childhood game “Simon Says” has a lot to say about how to improve person-to-person interaction. When we were in kindergarten, “Simon Says” seemed like nothing more than a silly game that kept us amused. But hidden inside the fun were surprisingly important lessons about person-to-person relationships.

Remember the Rules?

Simon says, “Touch your nose.” Everyone touches their nose. “Touch your shoulders.” A few players react without thinking, and what do you know? They’re out of the game. Successful communication depends on listening carefully before reacting. A relationship, it turns out, is one big game of “Simon Says.”

Listen Before You Respond

Many relationship breakdowns occur because one person responds before they fully understand what the other person is saying. We’ve all committed acts like these: Interrupting a partner halfway through a sentence; Assuming we know what a partner means; Started defending ourselves before hearing the whole story. When playing “Simon Says,” acting too quickly knocks you out of the game. In relationships, reacting too quickly can cause a misunderstanding, unnecessary conflict, and hurt feelings. The best communicators aren’t the fastest. They are the most attentive.

Don’t Fill in the Blanks

We love taking shortcuts. When someone begins speaking, our brains predict how the sentence will end. Sometimes we’re right. Often, we’re not. Strong communicators resist the temptation to finish a partner’s thoughts. Instead, they are curious, ask questions, and allow the person to finish their statement before forming a response. They give themselves time to discover what the other person is really saying.

Pay Close Attention

To win at “Simon Says” you need to listen carefully—not just watch the leader who you’ll remember tempted you to make the wrong move by having their actions contradict their words. Our conversations work similarly. We communicate through tone of voice, facial expressions, timing, and posture. A simple, “I’m fine,” can mean everything from genuine happiness to quiet frustration. The more attention we pay to whether a person’s verbal and nonverbal messages support each other, the better we will understand the person.

Thoughtful Responses Build Better Relationships

“Simon Says” rewards self-control. Instead of reacting automatically, the best players would pause for a split second to be sure they understood the instruction. Tiny pauses work wonders in everyday interactions too. Before responding to what a partner says, ask yourself: Have I heard the whole message? Am I responding to what was actually said? Would pausing to ask a question help? Brief reflective moments can lead to kinder, clearer, and more productive interactions.

Action Plan

For one day, practice adding a two-second “Simon Says” pause before responding in a conversation. During the pause: Focus on what the person actually says; Notice their tone and body movements; Ask a follow-up question before offering your thoughts. At day’s end, reflect on these three questions: (1) Did people seem more willing to open up to me? (2) Did I discover anything I would have missed by responding immediately? (3) Were there fewer misunderstandings? Two small seconds can make the difference between responding effectively and blowing it.

Remember this: “Simon Says” wasn’t really about following directions. It was all about paying attention and building communication skills. The players who listened carefully stayed in the game longer. The same holds true for our relationships.Those of us who slow down, listen fully, and respond thoughtfully tend to build stronger, healthier, and more lasting connections.