Blogging About Communication

You bet it is! Sometimes when two people interact, one of them may be trying to hide what they really mean, think, or are feeling, while the other person is trying to uncover meaning and seek understanding. And just like the game we played when kids, the outcome of the interaction can be surprising, competitive, and occasionally awkward.

SOMETIMES WE HIDE MORE THAN WE REALIZE

The point of the game hide-and-seek is for the person hiding not to be found immediately. We do this all the time when we communicate. Have you ever heard one person tell another person, “Do whatever you think you have to do.” “No problem. It’s no big deal.” Translation?  It absolutely is a big deal! We hide our emotions behind less than honest replies, jokes, sarcasm, or emojis. Why? Because too often we don’t want to or don’t know how to explain how we really feel. Too often, we expect others to find what we’re hiding. It’s a hard fact, however, that mindreading is not a communication skill.

LISTENERS ARE THE ULTIMATE SEEKERS

The best hide-and-seek players know how to pay attention. They notice movements, look for patterns, are tuned into sounds, and pick up on clues. Great communicators do the same thing. They pick up on voice tone, facial expressions, pauses, and what someone says as opposed to what they don’t say. That’s why communication is about more than the words a person speaks.

WEAK COMMUNICATORS HIDE BEHIND CURTAINS

Every kid who plays hide and seek eventually learns that hiding behind a curtain with their feet sticking out isn’t the best strategy. Yet, we do this all the time when we interact with others. We may send a confusing text, give vague instructions, hint instead of directly saying what we mean, tell someone “nothing’s wrong,” when we think just the opposite. And we get upset when no one understands us. Clear communication means being direct enough that others don’t have to conduct a deep search to discover our meaning. This means not requiring others to play detective.

WE WANT OTHERS TO FIND US

Most people want to be found! We want others to understand us. We want to feel seen and heard. We want others to notice when something matters to us. Here’s the secret: Listen carefully. Explain openly.

ACTION PLAN

Pick a day and remove unnecessary hiding from your communication. Instead, say what you mean, ask follow-up questions, replace vague responses with specific ones, put your phone down and listen fully when interacting with others. At the end of the day, ask yourself this question: Did communication improve when fewer people had to “seek” the real message? We bet it did!