Blogging About Communication

It’s likely that we all have played tic-tac-toe—and most of us are still playing it—whether we realize it or not. Nine small squares. A mix of X’s and O’s. The game is so versatile, it’s often played on a napkin. It’s also extremely predictable. So, once you know what you’re doing, it becomes extremely difficult for anyone to win. It turns out, the game we probably started playing in childhood has quite a bit to teach us communication and relationships. So, pick up a pencil and choose your symbol, X or O?

Your Focus isn’t Yourself

We can’t be successful at playing tic-tac-toe if we focus only on our own X’s. We have to pay attention to the O’s too.. Relationships work the same way. Too often, our focus is on what we want to say, prove, or accomplish. We stop paying attention to the other person or the O’s. What are they saying? What are they hoping will happen? What are they feeling? To communicate effectively, you have to focus on the whole board before playing your move.

Relationships are Not Contests

Sure, the object of playing tic-tac-toe is to win. But that’s not the object of a relationship—which is to understand one another better.  That’s why as you master the game of tic-tac-toe, draws outpace wins. It’s no longer about getting those 3 x’s in a row, proving a point, or winning an argument. It’s about being equals. Ending in a draw can be better than winning.

Anticipation, Not Reaction

Tic-Tac-Toe players think ahead. “If I go here, what’s their next move?” That’s also good relationship playing. Always consider where your next move is likely to take you. Maybe it’s better not to chime in with a sarcastic comment. If you think a move ahead, you can prevent a lot of problems.

ACTION PLAN

Draw a tic-tac-toe board. Only instead of filling the squares with X’s and O’s, fill it with helpful communication behaviors like these: (1) Don’t interrupt. (2) Offer a compliment. (3) Ask the other person for their opinion. (4) Share something the other person wouldn’t know about you. (5) Ask the other person what’s important to them. (6) Express appreciation. (7) Apologize. (8) Express what you’re feeling.  (9) Let the other person have the last word. Then, during the next week see how many squares you can achieve. Even better, complete the whole board.