Blogging About Communication

Let’s play jacks! Taking turns, players throw a handful of jacks out on a flat surface, toss a tiny ball in the air, scoop up one, two, three or more metal jacks (depending on the number of turns they have), and attempt to catch the ball before it bounces. The game requires concentration, coordination, and resilience—the ability to recover when things go wrong, you miss the ball, lose your turn, and need to wait until you get another chance. This childhood game is pretty good training for sustaining personal and professional relationships.

YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE THE PIECES WILL FALL

In jacks, the pieces rarely land where you want them to. It’s like that in life too. We have to adjust to what’s in front of us, making flexibility a benefit. Friends, family members, co-workers, partners rarely respond as we want them to. We need to be able to adapt and compensate.

WHEN YOU DROP THE BALL, IT’S ANOTHER PLAYER’S TURN

When you miss, someone else picks up the ball and goes after the jacks. Life’s like that too. Conversations thrive on turn-taking. One person doesn’t get to talk endlessly. Human interaction is an endless game we all need to play together.

BAD BOUNCES ARE BOUND TO OCCUR

In jacks as in daily interactions, we need to give ourselves and others the opportunity to recover. Rather than assuming the worst, recognize that whatever just happened, it’s not the end of the world. Here’s where resilience and patience comes in. Sometimes, it’s not winning all the time, but surrendering when you lose, that makes the difference in how a relationship develops. Conceding points is part of arguing and growth. Is harping about something until the other person gives in, damaging your relationship, a good prize? We hardly think so. Sometimes, the real win is to know when to surrender.

ACTION PLAN—NO JACKS REQUIRED

Choose one conversation you’re engaged in today. Imagine there’s a rubber ball bouncing between you and the other person. Your goal is to keep it in play, not hog it and control it.

Adapt to the other person’s conversational style. Pick up one imaginary jack at a time. If a disagreement surfaces, stick to the issue, rather than introduce other points of contention as a distractor. Ask at least one question to try and understand the other’s perspective. Try harder to connect than to control, and you’ll be able to pick the pieces up and continue playing.